Saturday, June 15, 2013

Home...another...night at home.  A Saturday night.  I don't mind Friday so much, but Saturdays are a wrench.

I also approach D-day with trepidation.  Monday...June 17 at 5pm.  I am almost calm, but I am sure I will become nervous and angry.  I am anxious to get the 'chat' over with and out of my head and off my chest.  I think that is why I might be kinda calm...that I will have the opportunity to get all this anger and sadness and thoughts out of my life.  At least I hope it helps.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Friday, May 31

...spent my lunchtime with friends at Urban Table...yummy pancakes and bacon and coffee.  I tshsould have something differetnt than breakfast next time...I always have breky.

...spent my morning helping daughter with a break-in in her/my car in Cali.  Theft and vandalizsm and fraud.  He paid his phone bill with her debit card.  Duh.  I think he will get caught...don't you? 

...part of the day was spent at Lowes, buying some thin concrete block, rebar and concrete mix to make a retaining wall on the south side of my house/patio area.  I dug and arranged and then pounded in teh rebar to hold the block in place.  Next I must start arranging and placing rock, mortaring them to face the block and make it purty.  Then a rock one of those old timey rock walls with the crenelation on the top evening was spent walking with my sister (Kim and I whined about all that happed today.  It was good to walk, nonetheless).  I also watched my hero Bill Maher and had a Strong Bow.  All in all, a productive day...but a lonely night.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Love my studio at Jewell

Thursday, May 30.
Spent 7 hours in studio at William Jewell.  Heaven.  I had the room to student did not show up to work. 
I spent the day making work as prototypes for more pots and taking care of unfinished pots from Monday. 
I made another cup and saucer to get my fingers limbered up...then moved onto cream and sugar containers (I love vessels with lids), a bowl (icky) and the beginnings of a teapot.  I got the body, foot and handle completed.  The next time I go up I will work on the spout and the lid.  I will also make some kind of tray for 'spills'. 

I am going to go look at my favorite artists online and on Pinterest for inspiration. 

Surface: I am applying rolled surface texture, stamping, sprigs and some rolled lines.  I am trying different ways to apply underglaze before bisque firing.  I have used a lime green mixed underglaze and flower patterns cut from news paper to make prints on each least twice on pots...inside and/or outside. 

If I get the surface right, these will be gorgeous...I shouldn't let glazing and color, get the best of me.  It is soooooooo intimidating!

I wish I could get that HIgby Water Blue to work correctly...when it does it is sooooo beautiful. 
I wonder if it has anything to do with the RIOx wash I used to put over my work???

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

back...back to have a place to whine without anyone asking questions.  I went to visit my DBT friends for coffee at Homers in OP.  I broke down in front of them.  I am fairly despondent today.  One of them told me that maybe I could find happiness in being alone.  I told her I have heard THAT so many times,
that I am ready to punch someone out who
says it next.  I HAVE been alone for 20 years as of June 7...and I just can't do it anymore. 

I was 39 and few months.  I am now 59 and a few...a couple of boyfriends here and there, but no one who stays.  I am always the 'bad guy', the person with the problem they dont want to deal with...nevermind their issues.  *I* am the one who is crazy. 

I just wanna say 'fuck you' to all of them especially TC.  He ruined me...ruined my ability to trust men, to be able to speak up and be myself.  I feel like I will never meet or be able to be with anyone the rest of my life.  I am too young to live without romantic love the rest of my life. 

I don't believe in fate...or god...or karma...or luck...even though I talk about them...curse them.  I used to pray once in a while...of course, not getting anything I wanted; like my dog back, my first boyfreind back, unconditional love...